|Courtesy: Sex & The City|
"Maybe we could be each other's soul-mates, and then we can let men be just these great nice guys to have fun with" - Charlotte
This is definitely amongst one of my favorite quotes from the show. As Valentine's Day is around the corner (It's only an hour away as I'm writing this, and probably will be past midnight by the time it's posted), I couldn't help but feel inspired to create a little post. No doubt it's the day that most romantically-involved look forward to (the girls for the flowers, chocolate & gifts, and guys, well, for sex!). Having some single friends, and being a single gal myself, I felt an urge to say something about V-day, love & relationships.
I am no expert and I will not claim to be. And no, it will not be another sisterhood-power &we girls rule the world/don't-need-a-man kind of post. All it is, is that I came across some conclusions about love and relationships this year that really made me think, so thought I would share & at the same time lay it out as a reminder for myself.
1. There's nothing wrong with wanting a man/relationship.
It's something that a girl ONLY admits to her CLOSEST girlfriends. We all do it. Because we be damned if we ever admit it in public. For some reason it's socially unacceptable. But why is that? Is it anything but natural? As human beings, "we're pre-wired to be attached to another person" - Dr Levine, psychiatrist & neuroscientist from Columbia University. Forgive me for my scientific references for I am a scientist by training, but it is encoded in our genes. Romantic attachment is a basic human need, it improves survival and ensures our genes are moved on to next generations. Studies have been done that shows that being with someone does regulate our blood pressure, hormonal levels, breathing rate & -for heaven's sake- our wounds even heal faster when we're in an intimate relationship. It's basic science. So don't let anybody tell you it's dis-empowering admitting that it's sad to feel lonely sometimes. It's only natural.
2. A relationship is only as good as it makes YOU feel.
However, being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is the worst thing you can do to yourself. It's hard to find someone who you find a connection to & be able to have a meaningful connection with. It takes sometime. And I must admit, It takes a whole lot of luck too! Contrary to popular belief, a relationship should NOT make you less independent, it should only positively increase your sense of independence. It should meet your emotional needs, cushions you, so you're able to be more bold, take risks, and excel as an individual in your career as well as your relationships with others. If a relationship doesn't do that for you, then by all means GET OUT!
3. That being said, waiting around for a man to make your life complete ain't a solution either.
It's good to be in a relationship, but do not let it be the highlight of your life or the dominant idea that's dwelling in your daily thoughts. It will happen when it's ought to happen. And while we're at it, I would like to say how I feel about this idea of a 'soul mate'. That one perfect person for you. While it's very romantic, and might be true for SOME individuals... It doesn't work like that for everyone. And more often that not, I think the definition of a soul mate is more in line of what Elizabeth Gilbert explained in her book Eat, Pray & Love:
"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.So in that respect, don't wait around for that perfect one who will make all your worries goes away. Because quit frankly, you'll still have to worry about the bills, your job, & still have to deal with people who constantly drive you nuts.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."
4. Love comes in many forms. Learn to recognize them and cherish them all!
And as my favorite young star - Emma Watson- puts it:
"As I'm growing up, my definition of love is becoming a lot broader... I think love is everywhere, and I don't think you need to sit around and wait for it to be with one person."
So please, don't be that "girl who's waiting for her life to start when a man walks into the room". It's OKAY to feel a want for a significant other sometimes, but don't dwell on it too much. Cherish the moments that you're living now, appreciate your family and your friends, for they will be part of your life for more than any man could be. Family relations & friendships are not a substitute for a romantic relationship, but they are probably THE most important kinds or relationships that you will have, so get those right while you can.
On that note, I like to end my spiel. And for it is past midnight now, happy V-day to EVERYONE!& I would like to say to my family & friends,you're awesome. I LOVE YOU!