|Antique Bronze Butterfly Pocket Watch Necklace by MNA Designs|
It's the last day of 2011 and I just simply had to write something before the year ends. I've updated the layout of the blog, to hopefully make it more visual and a bit easier to navigate. However, this is not the only upgrade I'm planning on doing. When I started this blog, my intention was not limited to posting only about my fashion addictions or the latest shoe-finds, I wanted it to document my thoughts, compile some doses of inspiration or to simply get to share things I find beautiful and/or meaningful. There're a lot of ideas in my head of what I would like to write about and share with you guys, but I didn't know where to start.
I have a severe case of what is called 'a monkey mind'. I would have tons of ideas and things I would like to say, but my mind is racing so bad it's almost impossible to capture it in something that would make sense.
I've had a difficult year. One full of disappointments, failures and loss. Loss of people, faith and perspective. Some of these are very natural and they happen to everyone at some point. But I'm not gonna lie, my major troubles came from self-inflicted problems. I'm 22 now, and nowhere near what I wanted/imagined I would be in life. A lot of people say it's ridiculous to think that at such 'young age', but what most people don't realize is that I had a plan. Since I was 10 years old, I had my plans laid out, I wanted to get by BSc by 21, MSc by 22, and PhD by 26. I might be only a year behind on my plans, but with the massive amount of f**k-up I've done in my undergrad, I see no MSc of PhD anywhere in sight. And again, IT'S ALL MY FAULT. I've let that thought consumes me and chip away at my soul.
Then.... it hit me! I was set up to fail.
Growing up with 3 brothers, 2 older and a twin, I was always the underdog. Which made me very competitive by nature.
'Victory is a thousand times sweeter when you're an underdog'. - The Summer I turned PrettySo it became second nature to me to want to always win, to be the top of my class and kick-butt in whatever I do. I read like a maniac and I was a straight A+ student from elementary to high school. Which is, now that I think about it, the worst thing that could happen to a person. Not only did I have high expectations for myself, everyone around me had high expectations for me too! Which just increased the pressure on me... exponentially. And guess what? I CRACKED! I lost focus, I forgot why I am in university, I was in the wrong study program, I forgot all the things I wanted to do with my life and most importantly, WHY I wanted to do it!
A new year is starting, and I'm hoping it would be a new beginning for me. I want to take everything I've learned from 2011 and past 22 years and use it to direct my decision making this year. I'm hoping that I'll get to graduate, move on and get a fresh start somewhere new. I'm not so big on new year's resolutions, but I definitely have a list of things I would like to do and change this year. and when making this list, I realized that I need a constant reminder that I have limited time to become a person of value in this world, and it's always the right time to be doing the things I love and stop wasting time over-thinking the past or freaking out about the future... That's why I find pocket-watch necklace (or their sold-out hour glass necklace) ideal to be that reminder,, it might be very little would serve as reminder of value of my time, my life. Every second of it!
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” - Steve Jobs 1955-2011
Like Jobs, sorry for being so dramatic, I just wanted to share some thoughts. I promise you less dramatic, more fun posts to come though :)
Wish you a fantastic NYE and very cozy and lazy New Year's day. May 2012 brings you happiness, love, health and more meaning to you life.